"Our past is like an abandoned corpse. It stays fresh for a while but as it starts to decompose, it takes you out with the filth too. It is, at that moment, that you should bury it and move on, securing your remaining life."

Mazda Diaries: An Appeal

I have observed many people during my journeys in buses who boards the bus at one stop, tell their problems in a manner that some emotional person will melt and give them some money. All this is a matter of one stop and after gathering Rs. 10- 20, the leave in search of another bus at the next stop. There had been aged people, people with kids hanging or holding some medical reports.

Today, I saw one of a different kind. He was (apparently) deaf and asked for help in a manner that many had never thought about.

I was astounded by this piece of brilliance. At first, the man distributed the cards to each person and then went to the women's compartment to explain that he is deaf and mute and then started collecting money. By the time he took all the cards back, he had collected around Rs. 40 within a single stop.

P.s. Not making fun of any one here but just as I read the card, I opted for observing a minute's silence for what had been done to the beautiful (English) language.

Give me another chance, I wanna grow up once again...

That early morning PTV cartoon to wake me up...

Heading to school with a hanging bottle in the neck.....

That joy of knowing a teacher is absent and a free period will be given...

Those paper based games and the joy of winning them...

Being a champion of Book Cricket and Hand Cricket...

Those special arrangements on the PT period day....

Being the flag bearer for my campus at the Sports Day in the Naval uniform...

That pleasure of being the Monitor and bossing around in the class,

Taking unfair advantage of the good kid image created.....

Ditching close friends at last second in the test and listening to their taunts...

Hiding in a corner with best friend until lunch is shared with him....

Fighting with people in the van to grab window seat...

That Amrood and Makayee wala outside school gate....

Having arguments with mum about "Jo miss ne kaha hai wohe theek hai"

Coming back to watch Sesame Street's Urdu version "Khul ja Sim Sim"....

That freedom of playing outside one hour before Maghrib....

Those couple of hours with a stick on head while revising school work...

Those late night 30 minutes allowed on Sega given to wear off tiredness given by studies....

That ban on setting a foot outside during exams...

That greeting with a couple of slaps when told that I got 9.5 out of 10...

Those expectations from me every session of coming first in class...

Taking Ninja Turtles cassette on rent first day of the vacations...

Those imaginary friends whom I played Cricket and Hockey matches with...

That unhealthy obsession with a song...

Those moments of watching wrestling sneakily with my Grandfather...

That night before an important Cricket match, sleeping with the ball kept under the pillow....

Those tensions of losing the ball right before leaving the home for the match...

That moment of madness when all levels of Tekken 3 were cleared with a single token...

That disappointed walk after not being able to drive at Dodging Cars at Sindbad's....

Those weekends spent at Nani's place just to watch an Indian movie with Mamun...

Spending open-handedly at the Doli wala jhoola...

Falling in to the trap of Pathan bhai with Rifle and balloons tied on a board....

Counting Eidi every 5 minutes and comparing it with cousins'...

Mom taking the Eidi by promising to double it up next month...

That happiness of getting the first computer...

Being a master at every game and bragging about it at school...

Making that first ever k3wlx email ID...

Blushing to the thought of first crush...

That moment when girls saved me from being expelled from the school...

Those countless reminders by them...

Those Cricket team politics and awkward happiness when nominated Captain...

That dream of joining Air Force being crashed right at the last moment...

I want those days back...

I want to go back in time...

I want to live those days again...

I want to be stress free again...

Give me another chance...

I wanna grow up once again :'(

p.s. I tried hard to rhyme it.

Love is in the air ♥

Here they are. From love with Quetta. Chilling, flirting with us. They have made us to wait for so long. These winds, announcing the return of short winter season for Karachi. As you wish to stay inside a blanket with a book and a mug of hot chocolate/coffee beside you. But for me, this is night has something special.

On nights like this, you wish to walk along the beach, holding hands and sharing the deepest secrets of your life with that someone special ♥

Why I shouldn't study...

Bhae dekho. Ab tum barrey ho, toh tum studies complete karogey, phir job karogey toh busy hojao gey 9-5 most prolly, phir, engagement hojayegi tumhari tou unn madam ko bhi attention deni hogi. Phir shadi hojaye gi tou phir tum poorey uncle hogey, Isliye, don't study.

No one else can come up with a better reason than this to not study. Aaloo, teri cuteness <3

Quotes 2

Too damn bored, nothing to do at all. (I have to study but, **** them). So, another collection of some words that I randomly say and people end up Retweeting/starring them.

Coke. Coke Halal Sharaab hai.

Be nice to those who truly knows you. Otherwise, the world works with a stick.

Such a lovely, f****** bitch insomnia is.

For some in our society, Nikah Nama is just an official license to fuck.

Memories. They make sure they haunt you once in a while.

Life has its own ways of flirting with you.

Confusing questions are the first step towards recognising your love.

There are people around who will always find some sense in your insanity.

There's a limit for everything. If we get over ambitious, we'll lose it for when we need it the most.

Too much caring is harmful...

I'm going through a writer's block. Just to take my frustrations out.

My Eid ul Fitr was ruined by some family shit. The only difference on Bakra Eid was that the incident happened on 2nd day. All Eid holidays were spent at home while I tried to study for my exams. Since then, people have been saying that I have not been the same person. I realised it too. I have been quiet. Not enjoying anything at all. Even the BBQ party with friends. Tried to be back on cricket field today. Didn't do anything else than conceding 18 runs in an over. And now here I am, with a book open in front of me, out of anything to do. Craving to listen to sad songs and breaking that promise with myself to not go to that emo mode again. Just finished up completing a sad songs playlist.

Realised another thing tonight that I care too much for everyone. Too fucking much. And it always end up people appreciating (asking to shut the hell up) me for it. I can't see anyone sad, that's my weakness but gotta realise that I have no responsibility to cheer up every single person. Yeah, someone surely needs to put that inside me.

Pray for me that I start studying. Praying for my exams won't help if I never really start studying.

Bye.

One for emotionally handicapped...

Just getting bored and don’t know what to do. I have exams starting from 30th but I don’t feel like studying at all. As I ask my twitter followers to tell em something productive to do, this suggestion came. Write something for the emotionally handicapped people.

I seriously don’t know what it is and as I googled it, it tells me that it some psychotic disorder. Might be caused by failure to achieve anything in academics or due to some life events. to hell with it. What I understand is that its something related to people not showing any emotions at all when it is required the most.

I guess I can relate myself to that. As a kid, someone pinched me and I used to cry. During final days of my O levels, because of the fault of other section’s students, our headmistress came and slapped everyone in the class. I remember I cried at the first one and was then mocked at by everyone that I easily cried. Since that point, I don’t know if I’m right to call it, I have become much stronger that even at the death of close relative, I never feel like crying. Some 6 months ago, my great grandmother passed away. Personally, she meant a lot to me. I tried hard but couldn’t make myself to cry as the last stone on her grave was laid. I was sad all day but never showed it to anyone. A couple of months ago, I failed two of my ACCA exams. I had planned to get done with it till then. That night, I beat the hell out of myself but just could not cry to let out my frustration at myself..

In my opinion, being emotionally handicapped has not everything to do with just crying. It could be anything. For example, not trusting anyone to share your feelings and emotions with. You may have had such bad experiences in the past that you consider no one to be so much trustworthy. Or the ones you care for are too far away from you to share how you would like to. Or like in my case, been hurt so much in childhood that even the biggest sorrow can’t make you show the emotions.

But being an emotionally handicapped person may have its drawbacks too. There may be someone caring for you all the time but you never notice. Sometimes, physical presence can play a big part too. Someone holding your hand, tapping your head or leaning a shoulder can help a lot whenever you are sad or let out something that has been bothering you.. Someone who can listen to your rants or whatever without a blink of an eye and comfort you.

To conclude, it’s good to be an emotionally handicapped person at times because you are not easily played with. But, on the other hand, you should never lose someone who has been caring for you all the time. To let out your feelings, i’d advise to write a diary or a blog. this writing thing helps you to feel less burdened. It feels like you have let out everything that has been held inside you and has been bothering you. Don’t be a sad soul, live and enjoy every moment the life has provided you with. Make out your own ways to enjoy it. Or just listen to the beautiful music of 90′s of Bollywood.

The future of Pakistan cricket.

Another semi final defeat at World T20. Another day of accusations and no bond between team members. Captain going for priorities than experience and best combination. Experienced players not performing well up to the expectations from them. Some playing in the whole tournament because of the performance in one single match. Many things went wrong, many lessons were learnt (if they want to learn) during our journey in the World T20.

Sharing my personal opinion, Hafeez is a defensive captain. Although he tried his level best to win the semi final by standing there for more than half of the innings but his decisions while fielding has surely raised some fingers. Against India when we were defending below par 129, why didn't he ever put on a slip in either power play or even after power play. If you're defending a total like that, even if you go down, you should go down trying. Similarly, why was Sohail Tanvir never asked to bowl out his quota in semi final when he had given just 11 in 3 overs? Hafeez never really understood the pitch. He went with the same strategy he used against Australians, forgetting that Srri Lankans play spin much better than Kangaroos.

Anyways, what's done is done. Let's look at the future and next World T20 in Bangladesh. Captain Hafeez, Imran Nazir, Shoaib Malik, Shahid Afridi, Abdur Razzaq, Yasir Arafat and the maestro, Saeed Ajmal, they all are in their Thirties. By the next World T20, a couple of them or more might retire. This is where we need to see if we have their backups available.

Talking about partnership, we have so much talent in the form of Ahmed Shahzad and Nasir Jamshed. We have the talent of Umar Akmal, Asad Shafiq, Ramiz Raja Jr., Khalid Lateef, Hammad Azam, Junaid Khan and many more who are hungry to perform for the national team. For years, our batting has been the weakest and it'll be truly tested on the bouncy South African pitches in February next year.

Not just the T20 squad, we need to look to out Test/ODI squad too. Misbah is 38 and all those above mentioned are mostly a part of test squad too. We need to start grooming our players right now so that by the time we play in the next world competitions, these young guns have enough experience and they can justify their talent well.

In my opinion, captaincy should be handed over to a young leader at this stage. Taking South Africa's or India's example, what they did with Dhoni and Greame Smith. They appointed them the captain when the team was in a build up process with a few veterans around. For T20, the ideal choice will be Nasir Jamshed. As for ODI/Tests, Azhar Ali could be a very good choice. They both have shown their immense talent and are now experienced too. If they can carry on with the skipper's armband for a couple of years and with the talent that is still coming from this country, Pakistan could become the Australia of the decade from 1999-2008. Although, the team is unpredictable, but you can never count them out. Ever.

A memory

We started the school together. We shared the van. We lived near by. We were in the same class. We competed with each other for top position in class. We fought on little things. We helped each other in exams. We were then separated. We met again after couple of years. Exchanged numbers. Re lived our friendship. People thought I had a crush on her. Waited for her outside my college for 3 hours in scorching heat but she never came. She changed her number and never told me about it. She then restricted one friend to give me her number. This is the last text I received from her.

خاموش لہجے میرے ہمدم کبھی بولا نہیں کرتے
درد و غم کو ہر کسی کے سامنے کھولا نہیں کرتے۔۔۔
محبت تو محبت ہے، بڑی انمول ہوتی ہے،
محبت کو کبھی ترازو میں تولا نہیں کرتے۔۔۔۔
میرے خاموش رہنے پر کوئ الزام مت دینا،
سمندر تو سمندر ہے، کبھی بولا نہیں کرتے۔۔۔۔

Khamosh lehje meray humdum kabhi bola nahin kartay,

Dard-o-ghum ko har kisi k samne khola nahin kartay....

Mohabbat tou mohabbat hai, bari anmol hoti hai,

Mohabbat ko kabhi tarazoo mein tola nahin kartay...

Meray khamosh rehne per koi ilzaam mat dena,

Samandar tou samandar hai, kabhi bola nahin kartay...